Who do you believe in?

(*Be forwarned I'm procrastinating writing the final moments of a very tough scene and I don't feel like getting emotional before work - after work while waiting for rugby is a completely different story. So presenting the rambles!)

Perhaps it's just the circle of friends I have but occasionally the topic of superheroes comes up. This of course covers comics and everything else under the sun. So I present:

The Evolution of My Heroes.

Around the time I was 12 I saw 2 movies that definitely started out my Hero worship. Before then I really liked the Batman tv show and read some Spidey and Batman comics but I also read the Children's Encyclopedia cover to cover so I think at first I liked the words more than the men they were about. Then came The Crow and Wyatt Earp. In 1994 my world twisted a bit. I liked each for different reasons but in the end they don't let evil (and that is what both were fighting) go unanswered even if their methods could be considered morally questionable. When people called one of these a 'murderer' I, in my 12 year old glory would get royally mad and list of people on his side who had been off'd. For good or bad the very gray area they sit in on the chart of morality is interesting to me.

When the superhero movies first started to come back most people (some in my circle included) were enamored with Spiderman. Don't get me wrong, web slinging through NYC would be pretty freaking sweet but he lacks the Grrrness I like in my Superheroes. Enter the next Gen (or the Old Guard I guess since everything is kind of circular) Wolverine and Himura Kenshin.

Wolverine is just all kinds of awesome. Case closed.

Kenshin, especially in the manga is very much aware of what he is and what he has done. Reading it is like watching a great white shark domesticate itself. He's learning how to live with people and how to live with Kenshin. Very tragic stuff at the core but in the end still some of the coolest stuff I had read/watched by my late teens and early 20's. (You get a sense of this from the Samurai X movies but that is really the before picture and manga is the aftermath.)

So that leaves just the late 20's. Who do I root for now? Well, Iron Man for one. I read a good chunk of the comics in Jr. High and loved them. The movies? Awesome and anyone who can blow shit up with a flick of a wrist gets major bonus points on the Hero chart. I really can't wait to see how they work out the cluster^%$# that is the Avengers. (Sorry, I have issues with Captain America.) Tony Stark is morally tortured character with anger issues. I'm really interested to see if they touch on what him so interesting to me in Iron Man 2 (shiny suit aside, ooo shiny.)

My other hero is Karsa Orlong. 99.9% of the world have never heard of him but his all kinds of "In you face" awesome. He's a character in the Malazan Books of the Fallen and he is right now smashing his way through that world in a fury that would make even the Hulk jealous. Is he a hero in the sense of the others stated and anyone your mind can bring up? No. He's a hero like Beowulf is a hero. The kind of hero who's an ass but who also rips off your arm and beats you death with it. (That's Beowulf not Karsa, well not yet anways.) They take the world and make what they want, unapologetically. They are the very opposite of passive. In theory, on the page that's pretty freakin cool and yeah I cheer for Karsa and Beowulf every time they show up.

(FYI I still don't think Wyatt Earp was a murderer. I'm just sayin.)

Old Lady Alert!

Yes, I am an old lady.

/bow

/waves Sluggity at the kids in my yard with old lady menace

As a self professed luddite (seriously if Facebook didn't have Mahjong and Bejeweled on it I'd never log on) I tend to see things like wicked old word processors (the type that actually make sounds when you write, fabulous!) and think "OMG that's the greatest thing ever!" I remember as a kid I had a type writer (probably is still at the lake house actually) and I would write whatever my little mind could think of and if I actually managed to find a spelling error I'd pull the paper out, use an eraser and then try desperately to fit the paper back in to re-type. While this process made stories look like the machine was drunk at the time of publication I think still worked out.

See, that's nostalgia. That's something that if you tell to an 8 year old they'll squint at you and explain about the existence of Microsoft Word.

Now there are a bunch of virtual books out (the Kindle, the Reader, the Nook for instance). This might just be another example of my love for that old type writer but I don't care how many books you can upload onto one of those things, I'll stick with books. The pages, the weight of them, the presence they have all add to the reading experience.

People say "but its such a pain to carry the heavy things". Yeah cause your Danielle Steele book is so much heavier than my Steven Erikson epics that if I do clock someone with them that person is going down.

"But you can have so many."

On a good day I can actually read. Lately I haven't even done that but when I do its always one book at a time. True I do read linguistic texts together with fiction, short stories around the same time as novels but still there's only 1 open at a time. What do I need to carry around 100 for?

Maybe its the greenies who want to save trees. I like trees, I saved 2 last week.

Between libraries, apps, downloads and such the rest of the world is welcome to it. Me, I'm sticking with the books. Besides, when I fall asleep what do I want to hug a mini computer or a tome? Going with the cool cover of vicious man eating dogs.

Playing on Youtube

Well, my love for Youtube is never ending. One of the best things about it (besides watching awesome things like the snake eating rabbit) is the basically free music I can bookmark whenever I want. Music has been a focus for the past week mostly because I just got a great new mp3 player the Sansa View (a Sandisk thing).

Point #1: I hate I-pods. The device itself is fine (I call my little Nano Sqwiggles), the interface isn't hard for a luddite like me to use and the portability is great! But I-Tunes can go die in a fire. Anything that steals music that I had before I installed the program faces the wrath of me and that I'm told that is unpleasant.

(Now keep in mind that on my trip to Europe in high school I lugged around a cassette player and like 10 tapes along with my books, notebooks and other crap that is forever to be found in my backpacks both then and now.

It seems like I'm always behind the times when it comes to music technology. My first year at Northeastern I spent trying to find the best way to carry a taped up CD player around with out my giant history book of doom smashing it little itty bitty pieces.)

Point #2: Laziness. Yes, I am lazy. I don't like doing things over and over. I-pod needs recharging every freakin' day. The S-View? every week. Plus it's 4x the capacity and well, it looks cool.

It turns out I don't have enough music in my possesion to fill this little thing up so I goof around on Youtube and Grooveshark to listen and see if anything good and new catches my fancy. Suidakra I'm looking at you! New music is always fun but sometimes the classics can be even better.

Music that I've had since I was 18, that made its way from a tape, to a burnt CD is now on the S-View. Call me a geek but I really love my Final Fantasy Mix.

/Presses Play

I fell

off my god damned chair but it was so worth it!

Lol, freaking epic!

Ok, back to sorting the shelves...why do kitchens need so many cabinets? I'm convinced if I only had 1 I'd still have enough food. Well, maybe not what with the Tea Cabinet and all but still, there's stuff in there that I never bought!

(*Note to self, all roommates can keep their food somewhere else otherwise it gets left when I kick them out.)

Wanna Go?

They did.

Enjoy! :)

To Totem or not to Totem

Scenario:

Idea A is great, on its way to being finished (well the 1st draft), I am finally happy with the plot and my characters are growing up nicely.

Enter---Idea B. Flashy, fun and just too exciting for its own good Idea B is like the hot new game, I want to play it but I have a couple others I haven't even opened yet. Idea B, still in its infancy really is sitting, notes and all in the filing cabinet waiting impatiently for a turn at the wheel.

Ideas C likes to stay a neat but very undeveloped idea that is no where on paper, just in my head. Idea D is half finished and likely to stay that way until a convincing villain can be found. Idea E is the prequel to Idea A, partly in notes, a few scenes worked out in the mega folder but again most of the info is in my head and likely to stay there until it is needed.

So I really needed Idea F to come along and basically make out with all my inspiration for the past few days.

I blame the Oscars, it came along right as Brittany and I were doing a live commentary on the red carpet dresses of "OMG what were you thinking". Seriously though, with all this going around I don't think I'll have down time soon where writing is concerned. Nearly two and a half years in the making and Wrimo '08 (pathetically named Kept from the Light at the spur of the moment) might actually be gelling into a story. There is still so much work to be redone, written anew and huge crater like plot holes to be filled but the core of it is, I think, good.

As a kid I was always writing stories (horror, adventure, the odd out essay, and stuff), attempting to make up my own alphabet, writing free verse and never really gave any of it much thought. It was just something to do. I tried my hand at longer stories before when I first got into college with really little actual drive, it wasn't a focus just something to do.

Maybe I saw my life differently after I got better, maybe when I was hurt it affected me more than I realize but since then I've taken writing much more seriously. Two and a half years on one story that is right now about 170 pages long and unfinished. I still like my characters, I think my plot rocks and the original picture that started it all is still one of my favorite parts.

Do I want to be a writer?

You know what, that might not be so bad. After all those customer service calls at work I think a simple Q & A won't be so bad. :)

So to end this ramble:

Dear Ideas B - Infinity,

I love you dearly and please remember to wait your *&%$&*@ turns.

Golden Years

So yesterday, for the first time in 7 years my old bones put on a well worn pair of skates and much loved equipment and played. I didn't just skate around. I didn't wuss out and put on my out stuff. There I was, right above the crease, shooters coming in on me, pucks flying at what looked to me like pretty high speeds. And I stopped them (well a good majority anyways!)

The thrill, the challenge of skater vs goalie, the awesome feeling of instinct as moves I haven't performed in so long came back instantly (including my two favorites "Reach-crap-there-goes-the-puck-diving swan-squid-thing" and "Catch-the-puck-between-my-glove-and-blocker"). One of the best parts was that little brother was one of the 3 shooters.

As kids we had a little rivalry...by which I mean I never let him score. Ever. I think I might have tackled him once football style just to stop him from getting close to the net. (What? I'm sure its legal in pond hockey rule 8 subsection 19!)

All the aches and pains (have I mentioned how much I love ibuprofen?) I have today, each and every one of them was so worth it. Next week, yeah I'm planning on going again. They'll be worth it then too.

When I was younger I knew a player who some days would be in such agony that she could skate one or two shifts a game and then cheered the rest of us on, gave advice, all that good stuff. I never understood then why she did it every week, game and practice. I do now. The pain isn't the point, it doesn't even really matter. Its all about the love for what your doing, the memories you have when you think about it, the passion you have when you talk about, the way it grows to be a part of your soul.

If someone asked me what I was a before I was hurt I had only one answer. I'm a hockey player. Not long ago I was asked the same question and I had answers but in my mind I thought it. If I had never laced up again I think I would always have thought it. But seriously, its so much better to say it.

So ask me world! Ask me what I am! The list is long and getting longer, more varied than I ever could have imagined but right up there, on the top of that list it proudly sits.

I am a hockey player!

Welcome to Goalie Country.